Taking away the car keys is one of the caregiving conversations families dread most. Driving represents independence, autonomy, and identity in ways that go far beyond getting from point A to point B.
When driving actually becomes unsafe
Watch for: new dents or scrapes on the vehicle, getting lost on familiar routes, running stop signs or red lights, difficulty with lane changes or merging, driving significantly below the speed limit, other drivers honking or reacting, or your parent expressing anxiety about certain driving conditions.
Don’t start with the keys
The confrontational approach — “You’re not safe, you need to stop driving” — triggers defensiveness and rarely works. Start with questions: “How are you finding driving lately? Are there any situations that feel harder than they used to?” Some parents will tell you themselves.
Use the physician
The most effective path in most families is getting the physician involved. Call ahead to explain your concerns before the appointment. Coming from a physician rather than an adult child, the message lands differently.
The formal driving evaluation option
A certified driver rehabilitation specialist (CDRS) can conduct an objective assessment including on-road evaluation. This removes the subjective element from the family conflict.
When to take the keys
If the situation is genuinely unsafe and your parent refuses to stop voluntarily: report to the DMV (California allows physicians and family members to request a re-evaluation), disable the vehicle, or remove access to keys. These are harder steps, but safety is not negotiable.
The transportation solution matters as much as the conversation
Most resistance to giving up driving is really resistance to losing independence. The conversation goes better when a real transportation solution is already in place. Care partners caregivers regularly provide transportation to appointments, errands, and social activities.
Talk to Care partners about building transportation support into your parent’s care plan.